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when tom came home from work, instead of going straight to the bathroom like usuall, he stood in the doorway. i starred at him, wondering what on earth has gotton into him. "Tom, what are you doing?" he scratched his head and looked to the floor. "we have to go meet ray" i didnt relize how news like this could make him nervouse. "okay, not a problem. hope you guys arn't introuble." i assumed he meant himself and the guys. not once crossing my mind was the thought of ME having to come along. i went back to watching the might duck on the televison. "no. not with- you need to come with me." i turned my attension back to tom. "what? why would i- what?" "i dont know, he didnt tell me why you had to come. just-come on, lets get this over with." i turned off the t.v, but stayed seated on the couch. "you dont know anything? nothing at all?" i asked him. tom shook his head "no." i stood up and walked towards him. "is cheyenne going?" Tom started to get irritated "kayla- i dont know! lets just go." i gave up. i grabbed my jacket from the closet and followed tom out to the car. the band, cheyenne, ray, myself and six guards were placed in a conference room in the studio building. the walls were lined with high-reaching windows that had a view of trees and the parkinglot. The afternoon sun beamed threw the window panes and reflected off the glass table top. The six of us were seated at this table. a guard stood behind each of our chairs, practically breathing down our necks. ray stood at the head of the table and spoke "i thought i wouldnt have to do this again." ray paced around the table with his hands tied behind his back. "since the threat of tazzing last time was enough to scare you, this time it's going to be different. but who am i to give away the suprise. there willl be absoultly NO fights, got it?" nobody spoke. i leaned over to tom and whispered "what's going on? what is he talking about?" tom ignored my question. cheyenne sat across from me, tapping her finely painted fingernails on the glass table top. she looked around the room, figidy and nervous. fred was slouched in his chair, his legs spread underneeth the table. jeff layed his head on the table, his eyes hardly open. eric sat straight up in his chair with his arms folded infrount of his chest. he seemed irritated. Tom rested his head on his palm, bored. "now, this better be the last time we have to do this! because i am not giving any more vaction days. that "vacation" was meant for all of you to patch things up! you were not suppost to meet a tattoo artist, get in a car wreck, or date nikki sixx!" cheyenne looked at me, then to the floor. i didnt quite know if she felt ashamed or awkward. maybe nothing at all. "that vaction, the reason why everyone had their own fuckin beach houses, was so you could relax and get your shit together!" i have known ray for four years now, and i have never seen him get to upset and angry. it seemed like me and cheyenne were the only two who cared about this "meeting". the guys were either half asleep or bored. not taking anything in, or giving anything out. me and cheyenne listened "now, would anyone like to go first?" ray sat down in a chair at the end of the table. he folded his hands on the table top. fred shot his hand in the air. "fred?" fred took a deep breathe before he spoke " this is a waste of time. we all know this. lets not do this, and say we did." tom banged his fist on the table "see! this is our problem!" fred was quick to defend himself "what?! what did i do now?!" "you! your the fucking problem!" tom yelled. "i dont have any problems" eric added. jeff lifted his head off the table "i think this is all kayla's fault. i dont have any problems, eric doesnt have any problems-its all between kayla, tom and fred." tom looked at me. i could feel his eyes starring me down. like a fucking owl! i quickly added "cheyenne has problems too! just as much as i do!" i was trying to pour all the attension on cheyenne. maybe then i wouldnt get caught. cheyenne let out a gasp "i do not!" as if she was suprised. "really?! what about nikki!? you STILL talk to him! what the fuck is up with that!? hmmm!?" she crossed her arms "whatever!" eric looked at her. "cheyenne, you still talk to him?....what?" his voice was low and sketchy, like he was hurt. i slouched in my chair. feeling sorry for what i had said. not like it wouldnt have come out anyway. cheyenne nervously admitted "yes....but-you dont understand! i didnt- i dont mean it like you think i do!" "then how do you mean it?" she starred at me, her eyes watered. "i dont know! he just- wont go away! i think im over him, then he comes back and makes me feel guilty! what am i suppost to do!? i dont want to hurt him again!" eric looked like a deer infrount of headlights. "you dont want to hurt him again.... you dont want to hurt HIM again?...." fred laughed "so much for not having problems, eh eric?" eric quickly snapped back "shut the fuck up, fred! you started this whole cheating fiasco! if it wasnt for you and kayla then the thought of cheating would have never crossed little ol cheyenne's mind!" i slouched farther into my chair. things started to seem like they were all my fault. it is my fault that global warming is killing the polar bears, it is my fault the sun falls at night, and it is my fault that cheyenne is "cheating" on eric! "my fault!? how is it my fault your girlfriends a horny bitch?!" fred barked back to eric. "enough!" tom finally yelled. "its everyones fault! everyone is equally involved!" he preached. "im sick and tired of this bullshit! its like you dont understand the fuckin consinquinces! grow the fuck up!" the room was silent. we all knew tom spoke the truth. he turned to me, at this point i was practically under the table, i had slouched so far down in my seat. "kayla, do you have anything you would like to say?" he asked me. i wanted to tell him that i was sorry. but i felt like it has now became a clique. if i said it, it wouldnt mean anything to him. but what could i say that was more sincere then "im sorry"?? "no..." he shook his head. "im disapointed in you.." i felt ashamed and embarassed. i knew how much i have disapointed tom this past year, and it kills me! im going to make a promise, right here and right now. kayla mae keifer, swear to try my hardest to regain my "perfect" relationship with my husband, tom. i want our relationship to be like it use to before the "night songs" tour. i want to dedicate my life to my husband (belive it or not, thats how i use to live.) i want to do everything i can do to make tom happy. all i lived for was tom. the thought of cheating on him at that time was unfathmorable! unthinkable! if it was even mentioned, we would fight for weeks. "i want to say something...." jeff announced. everyone turned their attension away from me and tom towards jeff. "i married robin. november 19th in vegas..." cheyenne's eye twitched. "wh-w-what?!" "we know, jeff" eric said. "wh-wha-how do you know?" jeff studdered. tom awnsered "we overheard you on the phone." "you married her!!" cheyenne shouted out. "i love her..." tom rolled his eyes "you cant love her! you dont know her!" cheyenne pointed out. "look- dont tell me! we are married, get over it." "well, ill be the first to say congratulations." eric said. cheyenne mumbled "yeah yeah". ray spoke again "anone else have anything to share? anything they want to get out? something they have been hiding? or something they feel, perhaps?" cheyenne laughed "i got one! i got a GOOD one!" cheyenne pointed to me. "you wanna know something?" oh brother..."do you remember when i got that call from nikki backstage? hmm? do you?" oh, you mean the one where nikki swore that i had a three-some with vince and tommy. then you allowed him to drug me until i forgot about it? i do recall that phonecall, yes. "yeah.." tom said, getting more interested. cheyenne through her hands in the air. like she didnt care about what she was going to say and how it would effect me. tom was right, this was our problem. "it was true! all of it was true! we ran into vince and nikki wail takeing a walk around the area. they invited us to the show. before the show even started kayla was in vince's pants! then after the show! in both vince's and tommy's pants, in their hotel room! you know, i did her a big favor. nikki told me he could mix up some remedy so she would forget all her sins! which, seemed like a good idea at the time. i knew what was going on, im not stupid. she needed a little break! so, i gave her one. so, thats that" tom blinked excessivly. a shock that he hadnt quite relized was over. i was quick to defend myself "i dont belive that!" fred laughed at my pain "i do." i stood up from my seat "i dont need this!" the guard behind me pushed me back into my seat "mrs, you need to remain seated." "or what!??!" i snapped back. tom looked at me "kayla-just-calm down...." "calm down?!?! how can i calm down when everyone is pointing the finger at me!?!? this is NOT all my fault! tom, you know that!" i had cracked. cheyenne, seeming pleased with herself that she had just dumped what eric put onto her onto me, smiled and watched as i burned. tom shook his head "relax! its- " i didnt let him finish "you know- maybe if you weren't so concerned with your stupid band, then i wouldnt have to go around looking for attension!!!" at that moment i felt like michael kelso would barge into the room and yell "buuurrrnnn!!" i should have thought that comment through before i said it. it seemed less harsh in my mind. tom laughed. everyone sharred, anxious to see what would happen next. i was scared of what horriable thing would come out of his mouth. "my stupid- you dont think you get enough attension?" he laughed harder. "is that what you want? attension?" he made it sound like i was a bad person. "attension from you, yes" "how can you think you dont get enough fuckin attension?" "tom-i-i-i just-i" i couldnt seem to get the words out. i couldnt mange to even think of the words, but i knew i had to come up with something. "im sorry!" thats all i got. i truely meant it, dont get me wrong. but i wish i could have came up with something better. "your sorry?" see, exactly what i thought would happen. sorry wouldnt mean a thing to him. " i am... and..." the only way to save myself was to take the blame for everything. sometimes it's just better that way. it doenst matter who wins or looses, just if you play a fair game. i dont know what lozer told me that, but it seems like a legable thing to do right now. and i am promising a stop to everything. and i know you wont belive me when i say this, but i want to turn things around. because, honestly, i wouldnt belive me either.. but you have to give me a chance to prove it!" i wasnt going to beg for tom to forgive me. i wasnt going to cry nor threaten him. i was only going to give him an option. he nodded his head, not bothering to say anything that would let me know things are going to be alright. "PPSSSHHH" fred said "its all a bunch of bullshit! tom, how can you belive a word she says!? she has fooled you multiple times, what makes you think she wont do it again?!" i wanted to tell fred to stay out of this, that this is none of his buisness. fred needs to learn to keep his thoughts to himself. "i want to see where this goes" tom said. i expected him to say nothing. but i wanted him to say "because i love her..."