My Bitch

T: SHE ACCEPTED MY APOLOGY
E: she did? congrats! so my flower plan worked? did the twix melt?
T: she didnt mention the twix...
E: so, its all good between you two now?
T: i think so...
E: good!
T: i bet she hates me..
E: why do you say that? you said she forgave you, right?
T: yeah, but i dont know if she meant it
E: why would you say that? did she sound like she meant it?
T: not really
E: what did she say? what did you write on the card?
T: thats private
E: what do you mean? what did you write?
T: NOOO thats private!!
E: how is it private? did you write a fuckin' love letter in an envelope sealed with wax from her favorite scented candle?
T: i should have, goddamnit!
E: tell me what you wrote!!
T: no! i have to write a letter!
E: your gonna write a letter now? she forgave you, man! why keep trying?
T: to make her forget it completly!
E: like a letter is gonna do that
T: if it's so romantic she cries, then YES!
E: hahahahahhha how are you gonna do that?
T: its not hard to make her cry
E: so what are you gonna do if your still not convinced that she forgvies you after you send this "romantic love letter"?
T: ...uh... i got it! cry! she wont be able to resist me crying
E: ... how will she see you cry?
T: i'll do it over the phone!
E: right... and she's gonna hang up on you
T: no! would you hang up on Cheyenne if she was crying?
E: thats different. i'm the man. i would be in deep shit if i hung up on Cheyenne.
T: no!!!
E: man, i cant belive you. your such a wuss! "oh, my wife was being a bitch cuz i have to work. so, im gonnna kiss her ass with candy, flowers, love letters and im gonna cry my eyes out! maybe then she will forgive me for working my ass off to make a living for the both of us!" thats what you sound like!!
T: ...so?
E: YOU DONT SEE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?! look what she did to you, man!!
T: i know.. i cant help it! i wont let her leave me
E: so your gonna kiss her ass for teh rest of your life?
T: ... what else can i do?
E: set her straight!! dont let her boss you around! she's YOUR bitch!
T: ... she's not my BITCH
E: what?
T: im not gonna call her my bitch. no way. forget about it.
E: why not? dude! shes YOUR bitch, say it!
T: no! nuh uh! no!
E: say it!
T: no! shes not my bitch!
E: they are considered bitches when a pimp grants them or when you get married. or, thats what Dino told me. anyway... so! pimp keifer, claim your bitch!!
T: who the hell is Dino?
E: he works at the bar down the road, midnight on tuesdays and wendsdays. now tell her!
T: ...your a fucking retard!! only you would take advice from a BARTENDER!
E: i didnt take his advice! i just remember our discussion on how a pimp raises his bitches. go call your wife and cry, pansy ass!
T: NO! fine, she's my bitch..
E: hahaha congrats!