Dream Warriors

They say Dream Catchers capture your bad dreams while letting good dreams slip on by. Bad dreams become entangled among the Sinew thread and good dreams slip through the center hole.
It seemed to me that the Native Americans were onto something. i thought it was a brilliant idea. to bad reality doesn't work that way. if only my horrid dreams would disappear through contact with Sinew thread. imagine all the admirable fantasy's that i would be obtaining. No more nightmares about the zombie Apocalypse. no more nightmares about French and German dictators arguing over how to kill innocent people in the kiwnbka tribe in Africa.
I really do hope the Native Americans were right about this contraption. if not, i wasted twenty bucks...

Spring Fever

Its the first day of May. I have skipped the whole "spring fever" part of the year. i went from "winter depression" to "summer radiance." oh boy, do i wish i was back in Hawaii. I miss the sand, the sun, the cute beach houses, the gorgeous environment, just the overall peace and relaxation you felt when you were there. looking back at the time we spent in Hawaii, i don't realize all the "horrible" things that happened. all i see is tom getting down on one knee and proposing in our beach house, going down to the beach and watching the waves roll of the rocks, Going to the local carnival with Freddie, and racing down coconut avenue in Toms jaguar. i seemed to forget the drama of the love triangle between Cheyenne, Eric and Nikki. I forgot the car accident that was caused over Freddie, the arguments me and tom seemed to get into every other night, and the constant bickering between friends. Paradise can bring out the worst in people, i guess.
In those 7 months we spent in Hawaii, i never thought it would end. As summer starts to approach again, i wonder if we will ever go back?

Once Around The Ride

I wasn't so sure about this, for a few reasons. Toms apartment seemed strange. i have never seen residents in the building or doing laundry at the laundry mat next door. everyone around here seemed sneaky. Toms apartment was a small single bedroom living space with only two windows and a patio. The kitchen looked like it has never been heavily cleaned. maybe a few wipes of duster here and there, but overall scummy. Tom didn't have a dish to wash. The fridge was never full. maybe a pack of beer, slice of cheese, and a jar of pickles. i wouldn't say tom was poor. tom just thought he had better things to spend his hard earned money on. like boots, jewelry, or new guitars. the light fixtures dated back to the 1940. the light bulbs were loosing their juice and the room was always faint. all in all, the apartment was bleak and lurid. Tom never turned the thermostat past 72 degrees.
Tom slept 'til noon, sometimes 2:00 at the latest. i was always up around 9:00 in the morning. by the time i was finished taking a shower, crimp and teasing my hair, get dressed and putting on my makeup-up, tom was getting up.
At 6:00 Tom and I headed down to the club that he would be playing at. he expected me to attend every show. i went, even though the club wasn't "my scene". most nights, i stood next to the emergency exit smoking a cigarette, looking miserable enough for no one to want to talk to me. i was only there for Tom, i didn't need to be social. After the show, i would meet tom backstage where he would already be drinking with the guys. Tom wasn't the type of man to get drunk. he'll drink when its offered, but not over do himself. when he did get drunk, he wasn't violent. Tom was just civil, to say the least. Wail Tom was having his fun, i would chat with Cheyenne, Eric's new girlfriend. which, i always regretted because she would end up in tears or yelling at Eric. i didn't speak at all when amber was there. she scared me enough to not want to find out what would happen if i was to be on her bad side. I hated it when Tom would yell at her. it was rude! no matter how much she deserved it..
At about midnight tom was crawling into bed. i had fallen asleep in the Taxi and didn't even make it to the bed that me and Tom shared. I'd wake up the next morning on the couch, and start the day just as it was before.
I've been living with Tom for three weeks and I'm already bored. damn it Linda, i fucking hate you!
Maybe it was too soon to be living with tom. maybe living with him now will help me understand what I'm getting myself into..

1 Fish 2 Fish

i couldn't fall asleep. i tried everything that i could think of! i counted sheep, starred at the ceiling tiles for half an hour, listened to music, read myself a bedtime story (February issue of R.I.P magazine) and drank a glass of milk. i couldnt understand what was keeping me up. i wasn't over thinking things, or at least i don't think i was. my last attempt is to take a walk around the hotel to clear my mind.
I wondered around they hallways of the hotel. it must have been past 2:00 in the morning. so far, I'm lucky no one has seen me. being spotted in little blue track shorts and a superman t-shirt with half my hair in a sloppy ponytail would be embarrassing.
It seemed like walking and "clearing my mind" wasn't helping. it only made me bored. so, i started thinking to myself..
Maybe i am a bitch. i mean- why let my problems ruin Cheyenne's wedding? i yelled at tom on Monday because he was being a bit too crabby and pissing me off. I've been going to Fred for the attention i want from tom. which, is wrong! its probably giving Fred ideas!

Jeans That Fit Just Right

{ Eric Brittingham }

Don't forget to call your brother

Don't forget to call your brother

Lord O' Mercy, Please don't forget to call your brother.

Cheyenne will kill me!

"hey, Eric. can i talk to you for a second?" to said. oh Jesus! really tom? right now? i dont have the time for this! "tom, not right now. I'm busy. cant you tell." i told him. do you have any idea how big of a headache you can get from writing wail on a bus moving 75 miles an hour? i can feel my fucking frontal lobe throbbing! i don't need tom's complaining to make it worse! I'm supposed to be helping Cheyenne with wedding crap. "Eric, its kind of important." "what?" he sat beside me. damn it tom. this better be as important as you say it is. "Kayla's really upset that Cheyenne doesn't want her at the wedding." oh, great. see, i told Cheyenne this would create problems. "if you can just talk to Cheyenne.. convince her that Kayla did nothing wrong... please!" Kayla did do something wrong, or at least that's what Cheyenne has been telling me. "I'm sorry, tom. she should have thought about that before she decided to be a bitch." i still expect tom to be my best man, weather Kayla can come or not. but do i really think he is going to do it? no.

Entitlement

There i was, minding my own business and cuddling with tom on the couch when Cheyenne told me "i don't want you at my wedding." ....she was kidding? she had to be! i mean- I'm her best friend! probably the only person who likes her besides Eric! she was at my wedding! fuck- she was the maid of honor! "what do you mean!? you cant do that!" i yelled. why cant i go to Cheyenne's wedding? why doesn't she want me there? what did i do? those thoughts kept turning in my mind. "i don't want you there, its final. get over it." she said before walking away i looked at tom, shocked and angry. "who the fuck does she think she is?! i didn't even do anything! what the fuck is her problem?!" "Kayla, calm down. look- I'll talk to Eric and maybe he can get Cheyenne to change her mind, okay?" i don't know what tom has been up to recently.. i mean- toms not the type of guy to admit things he's done wrong. like "i love you like crazy, so I'm trying my hardest to squeeze in as much time with you as passable.". he was totally playing me! why else would he be such a kiss ass? he cant fool me!"tom, whats gotton into you?!" i yelled. he looked at me, confused and scared. "me? what do you mean?" "you! your being a kiss ass! what did yo do wrong?!" i was pissed about not being allowed to attend my "best friends" wedding, i was aggravated with tom and I'm sunk deep into a muddy ditch of depression and self-pity. "what? i didn't do anything wrong! what are you talking about?" tom seemed fed-up with my constant bitchyness. "you-GRRR" i decided to give up. what was the point? i was already not wanted at the wedding. i don't need to be exiled from the bus.

Sunshine And Daisies

i cant believe cheyenne and eric are getting married. im happy for them, no doubt. cheyenne will finally stop complaining about how eric wont propose to her. but, i cant help but think "what if their marriage is going to be better than mine and toms?" its possiable.. right? maybe marriage is what they needed.. maybe they fought all the time because they have been together for so long, but arnt really "commited" to the extent of marriage, so they kinda treat it like- oh fuck, forget it. i just cant stand the sight of seeing cheyenne finally happier than me. im always happier than cheyenne. cheyenne is always sunk into a muddy ditch! always down in the dumps, feeling sorry for herself or others. IM suppost to be the happy one! not her! but here i am, laying in bed with tom, wide awake thinking about THIS..
I cant say i've been "happy" latley, for a few reasons. yeah, i got what i wanted, im back on tour with cinderella, big woop. i wanted to be on this tour so i could spend more time with tom. the only thing worse than sitting on a bus with your husband who is more interested in joking around with his friends and sleep than paying attension to you, is sitting at home alone watching family ties wail petting your dog and eating brownies. thats low..
I think tom has been doing a pretty decent job with managing his time between me and everything else, so far. but, the first night we spent on this tour, he was harrassing eric and cheyenne. which, i wanted no part of. so, i hung out with freddie. fred's always been sweet towards me. you know, other than the occational reminder "your married to tom!" which always pisses me off. but, he's a great friend.
What really struck me as odd, was the next morning, when Tom was being Pretty Pissy and cranky. i couldnt quite put my finger on what was making him so angry with me. so, i went to the beach with freddie. eventually, when i got back, tom decided to tell me what the problem was. apparently tom is jealouse of all the time i have been spending with fred. it was CUTE! i felt bad for thinking about kissing freddie on the beach. even though i didn't..
A thing that i havnt relized, when did me and tom stop being kinky? when we first started out, everything we did was kinky, then sometime after that, it went from smothering strawberry syrup all over tom's chest to "lets skip the foreplay, eh?". then, that night, tom started changing things up. i had forgotton about all the crazy things we use to do.. thank god for tom.
then, i get the news that eric proposed to cheyenne.. great.. the only thing cheyenne could do is go ON AND ON AND ON about it! it was understandable at first, i mean- shes excited! and i was excited for her. but after 2o minuetes of constant blabbing, it got annoying. yes, cheyenne. i have heard you tell the story about how he proposed a million times. i really wouldnt like to hear it again. then! get this- she called me a bitch! can you believe that?! sorry cheyenne, but i dont think you relize how fucking annoying you are being! exspecially when you tried to tell me your engagment ring was better than mine! you do NOT diss my ring and get away with it. it meant alot to me.. just because your happy, doesnt mean you should put me down. after that, i coudlnt stand to listen to her and eric talk about the wedding.

Just A Little Bit Of Chicken Fried...

{ Eric Brittingham }

ray had dropped off some chicken wings in our dressing room after the show. great.. there are cheyenne signs all over the fucking place! first, i heard our song on the radio on the way to the arena, now the fuckin chicken wings! is this torture ever going to end? oh yeah... IN APRIL!!! uhhh thats so far away! why does tom get to have kayla here? he wont even consider letting me bring in cheyenne! asshole! "hey eric! you want one?" fred held out a chicken wing covered in thick barbeque sause. "actually...no" "what?! since when do you not want a chicken wing? they are your favorite!!" yes fred, i know chicken wings are my favorite. but they are cheyenne's favorite too. "yes fred, i am aware that chicken wings are my favorite. but, im not hungry." this only gave fred more motovation to get me to eat a chicken wing "not hungry?!?!" as if he coudlnt believe it. fred is ALWAYS hungry.. "yes, fred.." he sunk his teeth into the peice of meat "your loss." he said, walking away with the chicken wing in his mouth.

Easy Man To Please

{ Jeff Labar }

I'm not cranky! im just...home sick. i'd rather be at home with robin than sitting here watching fred flirt with kayla. sure, its party entertainging how fred tries so hard to get kayla's attension. if she agknowleges Tom for two seconds fred pouts. i dont know what his deal is with kayla. how can he continue to have feelings towards her when she always gets him introuble? its pathetic! fred is so naive! "well i can bend over and peak under your skirt." does he not relize tom is RIGHT THERE?! i swear, if he's going to be like that, at least try to be sneaky. and thats how fred gets caught. its like he thinks tom will never find out. tom always does find out! everytime! mind as well give up. Oh great, now they are pushing eachother again. THAT gives me a headache. they will push eachother back and forth and yell "freddie! stop it!!" its the most annoying thing i have witnessed, other than cheyenne's donkey laugh. oh lord, dont even get me started on that!

Then there's tom and eric. Eric is yelling at Tom for calling cheyenne. tom thinks its funny, and eric is annoyed...

See what i have to deal with? uh.. im counting down the days until this tour ends...

Love Bites

{ Eric Brittingham }

I didnt quite know what cheyenne would say when i mentioned the words "future" and "wife" in the same sentance.

I knew that we both planned on getting married eventually... but neither of us knew when or how long eventually would take. i've been with cheyenne for four years, and i can honestly say i love her. with all my heart! i could definatly see myself spending the rest of my life with her. everytime i imagine what my future is going to look like, cheyenne is always there. i mean- i owe her this. she's put up with me and my job for four damn years. marrying her is the least i could do. but how would i go about asking her? what if she comes to her senses and relizes that she can do so much better than me? you know- maybe i could just drop small hints..

Red Light, Green Light, TNT

when Tom came home, the first thing that he did to make me realize he was upset was slamming the door shut and throwing his coat on the arm of the couch. i watched him from the hallway, waiting for him to tell me what was wrong instead of asking. he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. "i cant fucking believe this! Kayla, they gave me a ticket!" he held out the paper. "they what?" i took the paper and unfolded it. i read through the very undetailed offence. "tom, what did you do? run a red light?" he laughed. "no! okay, you know where the junior high is? right? across the street from the fire station?" i nodded my head. he continued "well, i was running late. i was going like.. 48?" "tom.. that's a 35 mile road.." he through up his hands "who goes 35?! nobody!" "tom!" tom would be the only one to get pulled over. cars are always speeding by there. "you know something else? i wouldn't be so mad if the damn cop wasn't hiding in the bushes!" "hiding in the bushes?" oh my god.. don't tell me tom was pulled over by one of those annoying as fuck "undercover" cops.. "yeah! the cop car was sitting behind all these bushes! and you know what else! he accused me of being high! he came to my car and asked "sir, are you high? do you have any drugs on you?" yes! because this compartment right here is just soo ideal for smuggling drugs! you know, my eyes were bloodshot because i haven't got any sleep in two days! Ive-" tom started getting worked up. "tom! tom! tom! calm down.." he ignored me "then he asked "do you have any weapons in your car?" yes! I'm seriously gonna take a knife out of my boot and yell "don't make me!" for real? god damn. you know, i could be like one of those women who fucking cry! i should have cryed!" i laughed "tom! just- calm down. just pay the fucking ticket. its over with." he grabbed the paper from my hands "i cant just pay the god damn thing! look! i have to take a class!" i laughed harder. the imagine of tom sitting in a driving class made me almost cry. "a defensive driving class?!" "this is fucking ridiculous!"