❈ The More Things Change ❈

I saw my surroudings in a daze. the door looked like a blury enterance to the heavens and the radiance comming from above seemed like the beams that were going to pick me up and escourt me to nirvana. my head felt weightless. my eyes started focusing. as heaven was turning into a hospital, the gears in my brain were turning, and i started to distinguish tom's voice, i couldnt figure out what i was doing in a hospital. i took in observance of my surroundings. i saw vases of flowers and stuffed characters sitting on the floor of my room. the balloons were tied to my bed post. tom was asleep in the chair next to my IV post. i listened to the beeping of the machine as poked at the wires that were going threw my arms. i knew what happend, to a point. i turned on the windsheild wippers as i whipped a tear from my cheek. the way i saw things, was that no matter what i do, im going to end up hurting someone i care about. there is no winning when your in "love". this is a recent discovery. the words that were said the other night kept running threw my mind. the entire incident with fred has been a total malediction! Everything he's done has offically made me delirious! i cant help but feel affection towards him.. not to mension his endowment in magnetism. i enjoy the fornication. i tell myself that i NEED to get over fred! i HAVE TO! i HAVE TO! i HAVE TO! everyone has told me that it is wrong.. and im starting to belive them. no matter how much my body aches for fred, i have to overlook those urges. i have once conquered those urges and aches, but i cant overlook the emotional connection i feel with fred. what has me coming back for more, is his personality. fred is always so chipper and delightful! he makes me smile and laugh! he doesnt deserve a person like me.. he deserves MORE! before i knew it, i was sobbing. i was upset that i had let myself encourage fred to fool around with me. i was selfish! im so discusted with myself! thats when it hit me... im not even thinking about TOM! not about how i feel towards him! but how bad i feel for loving fred! i closed my eyes to soothe the arid agent. in literally a blink of an eye, the car ran off the curb and into a feild. my bewilderment compressed my ability to react. instead of turning the wheel or slamming down the breaks, i sat there and watched as my car ran into a tree. tom woke up and ran to my side. he took my hand as a tear ran down his cheek. he reached out his hand to my head. i saw his hand on my head, but i couldnt feel it. so i to touched my head. i noticed my head was wrapped in some sort of cast. both me and tom were speachless. the whole insident seemed searreal.